I recently read the following piece of over at DaddyNatal.
“First for the bomb shell, research has shown up to 6 out of 10 expectant fathers at some point in the pregnancy will suffer doubts and fears regarding the paternity of the unborn baby. Definitely on each course I teach, at least a couple of blokes, have been, or are dealing with this. It is so common, yet of course, often not spoken about. This is an important fear to deal with because it can affect the expectant fathers’ behaviour during pregnancy, attitude at birth and relationship with the baby.”
“What else? Well we men also worry about how we will support our family. Or worry about handling a baby and not knowing what to do. Again, both purely natural. I am convinced that if we all waited until we were in right financial position to have children, man would be in danger of extinction!”
Luckily, the first fear, I don’t have a problem with. I have never questioned this and I feel sorry for anybody that has to wonder about the fidelity of their partner. The second fear however, is a big one for me.
Before the age of 9 (When my parents separated), I can remember always going on holiday and never remember wanting things and not being able to have them. I do know that after 9 years old, that all changed. I know we never had any money but never felt like I went without. I personally feel that this has enabled me, as an adult, to appreciate every penny we have and to manage my money responsibly.
There are 2 things that help me sleep at night. The first is the fact that I know, as with my mum, there are many people out there with less money than we have and still manage to provide a great life for their child and secondly, both me and Christine both believe we can make it work and thats enough for me!
We recently started looking into what benefits are available to us and it shocked me how little we were entitled to. We don’t even qualify for free vegetables because we are not already on benefits!
It may be hard, it may be demanding but to beat a fear, you have to face it and in August, I will do just that.
What fears did you have and how did you over come them?
You totally missed point regarding paternity.
ReplyDelete"Ok guys, if you are dealing with this fear, I want you to now listen to the likely reason for having it, accept it and get rid of the thought! The reason for it in 99.9% of cases has absolutely nothing to do with the fidelity of your partner. It stems from perfectly normal fears and anxiety you are having and manifests as this thought. It can be because you have doubts about your own ability to have achieved the miracle of creating a new life. Maybe you are in denial because you’re not ready to be a dad. Maybe you have had concerns about you own fertility. The list goes on but the pattern is clear, it is solely linked to our self-doubt and not our partner."
I also shared your financial fear and for similar reasons, all to common, the only thing I can say is you will be amazed at how to manage to make it work but you will. Took me about 6 months to realise we were coping just fine financially after birth of first and then discovered we were expecting number 2! Only brief panic this time.
The most important thing is to deal with any fear, acknowledge it, confront it and if need be get help over coming it. Dont let it spoil your enjoyment of the pregnancy or the birth of your child.
Thanks for the comment Dean.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion (Please dont chase me off the internetz lol) if at all you fear your ability to father child and your wife is pregnant, then that IS doubting her fidelity. If shes pregnant and you doubht its you thats done that then somebody else must have done!
I'm a mummy not a daddy, but my biggest fear was "what if it all goes wrong".
ReplyDeleteMy son was born at 27 weeks. He weighed 1lb 7oz. I was so scared.
He's 2 now, he walks, he talks, you would absolutely never pick him out as a former dinky dot.
I think parenthood teaches you that whatever happens, things work out, and if you do everything with love and care, it will all come out in the wash.
Enjoy.
I found you through the Britmums bloghop and I blog at Not Even A Bag of Sugar.