Fear

I recently read the following piece of over at DaddyNatal.

“First for the bomb shell, research has shown up to 6 out of 10 expectant fathers at some point in the pregnancy will suffer doubts and fears regarding the paternity of the unborn baby. Definitely on each course I teach, at least a couple of blokes, have been, or are dealing with this. It is so common, yet of course, often not spoken about. This is an important fear to deal with because it can affect the expectant fathers’ behaviour during pregnancy, attitude at birth and relationship with the baby.”

“What else? Well we men also worry about how we will support our family. Or worry about handling a baby and not knowing what to do. Again, both purely natural. I am convinced that if we all waited until we were in right financial position to have children, man would be in danger of extinction!”

Luckily, the first fear, I don’t have a problem with. I have never questioned this and I feel sorry for anybody that has to wonder about the fidelity of their partner. The second fear however, is a big one for me.

Before the age of 9 (When my parents separated), I can remember always going on holiday and never remember wanting things and not being able to have them. I do know that after 9 years old, that all changed. I know we never had any money but never felt like I went without. I personally feel that this has enabled me, as an adult, to appreciate every penny we have and to manage my money responsibly.

There are 2 things that help me sleep at night. The first is the fact that I know, as with my mum, there are many people out there with less money than we have and still manage to provide a great life for their child and secondly, both me and Christine both believe we can make it work and thats enough for me!

We recently started looking into what benefits are available to us and it shocked me how little we were entitled to. We don’t even qualify for free vegetables because we are not already on benefits!

It may be hard, it may be demanding but to beat a fear, you have to face it and in August, I will do just that.

What fears did you have and how did you over come them?

Why are we here?....on blogger!

Many people will wonder (especially after reading some of my drivel) why bother blogging at all? The reason is simple...I have stuff to say, opinions to have and opinions to express. If there is something you want my opinion on just add as a comment and you will have my opinion whether you like it or not!
As I started looking online for information from a dad’s perspective, I started to realise that pretty much everything was tailored to mothers.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that the mother is in SOME ways more important than the father, after all it is them that carry the child for the duration of the pregnancy, and possibly provide food for the months to follow, but fathers are becoming increasingly involved and important in the pregnancy/birthing process.

As I scoured the internet looking for information I noticed that sites always referred to the reader as mum; “as a mum you will feel....”. Well what about as a dad? In my relationship, I knew more about pregnancy and the birthing process than my wife did at first and even sites that welcomed dads as part of their community; everyone still spoke as if those communities only consisted of women.

Slowly, I have built a small following on twitter and most of those are dads or dads to be just like me and I enjoy hearing their stories about their journey to becoming a dad, or stories about what their little gems have been up to that day. One of those followers is Dean. He is the ONLY male member of FEDANT (Federation of Antenatal Educators), which means he is qualified to teach antenatal classes and he chooses to do this to men only. This is not to alienate mothers, but to educate dads to be like me in an environment they feel comfortable. (Please check out his site for more info.)

He mentioned to me one day, an idea to blog about my experiences as a father to be. Discuss the feelings I have about the pregnancy, the emotions a dad has to go through, that sometimes is brushed under the rug in favour of the mothers feelings. So if just 1 person reads my blog and gets something out of it; a laugh, some advice or even if I am just a bridge to another piece of information, then it’s been worth it. There isn’t enough information out there for dads to be and thanks to people like Dean hopefully that is slowly becoming a thing of the past.

A mention has to go to my cousin Ally, who encouraged me to start a blog and helped me create my account ect. Her blog is a record of her and her family’s journey through the experience of her husband receiving treatment for ALTCL non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.......Which he is kicking ass! So please have a read...

So here I am (Congratulations if your still awake), because of Dean and Ally I have entered the bloggersphere once and for all.

If there is anything you would like me to blog about, or my opinions on anything please add to my comments section, otherwise you will just have to read the many boring things that run through my mind.

Thanks again for reading.